Gardening

So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. ::. 1 Corinthians 3:7

It’s been an inexcusably long time since I’ve posted… but so much has happened that I haven’t quite known where to start. So I guess I will try to sum it up as best I can without an information overload.

I returned to Casa Havilah after a perfectly perfect Christmas break, to an entirely different house. Different in that a few kids had left to their own homes or new ones, but mostly different in that I felt, for the first time, welcome.  I was greeted at the airport by ALL of the girls with huge smiles and big hugs. The teenagers have been especially respectful and pleasant for the most part which is a HUGE change. I believe that by actually coming back like I promised allowed them to trust and begin to accept me a little more. Either way, it is has made a GINORMOUS difference in the all-around atmosphere of the house.

There have been some not-so-great changes as well. Just a couple of weeks ago our oldest teenager, Daniela, was caught doing some pretty naughty, and potentially dangerous things involving boys, secret cell-phones and a stolen front-door key (I’ll let you put the peices together). And because she was already on her 2nd strike- she’s out. This of course caused an emotional uproar with the other (involved) teenaged girls, and consequently Filomena (16 yrs old) decided to leave as well. Both girls now live with Daniela’s family…and with their boyfriends. We can only hope and pray that God will use this experience away from Casa Havilah to someday rescue these girls from the bleak and, for lack of better words, pitiful life that surrounds the area they now live in. If only they could recognize the opportunities they are missing out on by living here… it breaks my heart. Please pray that God someday grants Daniela and Filomena the desire to pursue their potential- they both have SO much! From that episode, however, the house has grown together in an amazing way. In the midst of the problems we all prayed over each room of the house, each girl silently and fervently prayed, even the little ones. By the end, every single girl in the house was in tears and the teenagers were weeping for forgiveness. We’ve seen incredible changes in the teenagers as they’ve been giving their lives to God and dedicating themselves to their school work and living at Casa Havilah. Thank you God!

School has been back in session since February 15th. Even though each day begins with a 5:20 wake-up, I much prefer the structure that school days provide. We have begun, for the first time ever, a merit-demerit point system for all of the younger girls which has been going really really well. For each chore they are required to do, the girls are able to earn points throughout the day and by the end of the day if they’ve earned the highest amount of points they can choose a “recompensa” (reward) such as play nintendo (so far, their favorite recompensa!) watch TV, paint nails, make bracelets etc. If they get an average amount of points they don’t get anything special, just a normal day. If they behave REALLY bad and receive the least amount of points they are required to eat dinner and go to bed early. The best part of the system is that with the highest amount of points earned, the girls also receive a star which they use as currency to “purchase” things at our “Gringa Store.” Lauren (the other gringa) and I have put together a suitcase full of fun girly things that they can buy and they LOVE it! This system I believe encourages the girls in a positive way to behave throughout the day and so far it has been a success! Please pray that it continues to be a fun and exciting way to help the girls live positive and healthy lifestyles.

We now have three new girls at the house! Two of them are sisters, Ashlyn (7 yrs) and Pamela (9 yrs) and other is a return from last year- Katheryn (14 yrs). Katheryn left last year for no real good reason other than teenaged angst and realized that living at Casa Havilah was far better than her home life. She proved to us that she was ready to return by getting good grades and by seeing our psychologist every week.  All the girls have been really great to have and I’m so happy that they’re here.

One last update! If you remember from previous posts, Andrea was our problem child. I am happy to report that she is living in a new home with a single woman and her mom and she is doing extremely well. She leads a dance group of little girls, helps out at a feeding program and is reportedly very cheerful and happy. We’ve heard that people she spends time with now find it hard to believe she was ever a problem because she’s such a pleasure to be around. Holy 180! Such an amazing answer to prayers.

Please continue to pray for Casa Havilah, although the atmosphere is for the most part cheerful these girls still continue to struggle with their internal battles and each day is a challenge; they need all the prayer that’s out there. All I can do here is continue to plant the seeds and do the dirty garden work, but God’s the one who’s gonna make ’em grow and blossom into the beautiful women He he planned them to be.

Masiel

Live as children of light. ::. Ephesians 5:8

Victory at last! Last night we had one of the best victories here at the house that I’ve seen so far. One of the girls, Luz (who I will be writing about soon) had just been sent to her room for playing with matches and lighting things on fire and was getting closer and closer to one of her screaming fits that she so often has with me. As I was on the brink of total frustration and losing my cool Masiel came up to me and asked if I had a Bible so that she could read a verse to Luz. I was shocked because nothing like this has ever happened before. I don’t have a Spanish Bible but I knew Lauren (our other American living here) had one so I suggested she ask Lauren. Masiel didn’t know what verse she wanted to read so she and Lauren prayed together that God would help them choose the perfect verse to read to Luz. This is what they opened the Bible to:

For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth)  and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. This is why it is said:

“Wake up, sleeper,
rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.”  Ephesians 5: 8-14

Not only was this verse meant for Luz, as her name literally translates in English to “light” but it is so perfect for the girls here at Havilah. I am certain that each girl has been hand-picked by God to live at this house and have the chance to shine goodness, righteousness and truth in the face of the darkness that has haunted them most of their lives.  That verse confirmed it for everyone. After Masiel read the verse to Luz, she finally calmed down, stayed in her room and the rest of the night was peaceful.

Masiel is a Hebrew name that means, “she who comes down from the stars.” Masiel has always been the good seed here. Sometimes she gets caught up in the peer pressure of being naughty but for the most part she truly strives to do good. She comes from a broken family that lives near the dump, but fortunately she has a very kind and loving mother who knows that living at Havilah is what’s best for her. Masiel is a star. She shines here at the house. She’s also hilarious. You can often find her wearing goofy clothes stuffed with pillows to emphasize certain body parts dancing and singing ridiculously. We are so blessed to have Masiel here to be an example to the other girls. Please pray for Masiel to keep on shining like the star that she is…

Andrea…again.

Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you. ::. Deuteronomy 31:6

I’ve been thinking about Andrea a lot, and as I’ve gotten to know her better over the past two months, I wanted to revise her description. Andrea is quite possibly the most disturbed and emotionally damaged of our girls. At nine years old, she has the mental capacity of a six or seven year old. She can barely read, she plays with toys more similarly to the younger girls here than the girls her age, and she receives instruction and discipline like a stubborn six year old. Andrea is tormented with demons of her past. I use the word demons carefully because I can’t say that I’ve ever really believed in them until I came here and saw how they can truly posses one’s life. Like I mentioned earlier, Andrea can go from one extreme to another. As sweet and peaceful as can be to a raging, violent storm. She has bitten, strangled (or tried anyway), kicked, hit, screamed uncontrollably and thrown dog shit at us …oh, and one time she pantsed me, underwear and all (the girls later enjoyed telling me how white my butt is. It’s not ugly though, they assured me). Most recently, she has been expelled from school for the rest of the year for pushing a boy… after being suspended for four days for hitting another boy (the school year ends mid-November here). She is, obviously, our biggest challenge.

But in observing Andrea, I’ve realized that the courage I see in her is not to be a brave leader like I suggested in the other post. Andrea’s God-given courage will be used to overcome the demons of her past.   I still don’t know exactly what happened to her, but she has been completely abandoned by her parents which already does significant emotional damage to a child, and who knows what else. The courage and bravery that I believe Andrea has stored deep within her is to overcome the fears of her past and to put her trust in a God who will not abandon her, who will give her the strength to overcome the demons that torment her mind and bring her peace. When Andrea is in a good mood, she is so incredibly sweet, sometimes almost sickeningly so. And it’s not to say that she could never be a leader, but more than anything she needs the strength to become normal and at peace with herself before she can lead anyone else. I’ve seen lately how artistic she is and how she has a huge heart for animals (she helped our pup birth 7, placenta-covered puppies!) I still believe God has the power to change a mind so disturbed as Andrea’s.  I pray that we can help Andrea overcome her fears, find her strengths, and learn to trust us- more importantly learn to trust that God has plan for her to succeed…otherwise, why would He have hand-picked her to live in this house? Please keep praying for Andrea…

**Just seconds after posting this, Andrea came to my door with an envelop wrapped in a purple bow with a jumble of english words written (consisting of “i miss you s much, think abut you eve, pictures, and my dog ther is”), and an adorable picture colored in purple and green, the colors I told her yesterday were my favorite.  I just asked her where she got the words from, and she said her mind. My heart just melted. A lot. God is so good.

Joselyn

I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow. ::. Jeremiah 31:13

Joselyn is full of joy, life and play. It’s no coincidence that her name means “playful.” Jocelyn likes to play to the point of trouble, whether it’s hanging from trees or obliviously giggling while the older girls throw her around like a rag doll…she’s fearless when it comes to having fun, at least until she gets a giant bump on her head (that’s happened 3 times since I’ve been here). Joselyn is so incredibly easy to love…sure, like any 5 year old she has her stubborn moments, but more than anything, she loves to love and she loves being loved. One of my favorite parts about Jocelyn is her goofy dancing. Unlike most of the girls who’ve mastered all the right Latina moves (yeah, even at such a young age they can dance really really well! I’ve done a good job of proving I’m a dorky, white, Gringa when it comes to dancing… :P) Jocelyn’s got the jerky, uncoordinated moves that just so happen to look like a bad-ass hip-hop routine. I can totally picture her wearing some faded baggy jeans and a lil’ backwards cap,  busting out some sweet hip-hop moves. Maybe someday…

Jocelyn comes from a family from the dump (I think) comprised of a mom, lots of brothers and sisters and many different dads. They live in a house so small that they all have to sleep in the same room, often with the mom’s many sexual partners. Jocelyn has witnessed far more than any 5 year old, or any child for that matter, should ever have to see in their lifetime. I’m not sure how the men in her life have treated her or her mom, but I’m sure none of them have received the Dad of the Year award. What’s most amazing is that despite what we know, as adults, about her mom and the poor decisions she makes, Jocelyn absolutely loves her unconditionally. Her face lights up when her mom comes to pick her up for a weekend visit and she scrambles as fast as she can to greet her at the door. If only everyone could love so unconditionally like a child… the world would be such a different place.

It’s truly been a blessing to have Jocelyn here knowing that she has a chance to outgrow the darkness and sorrow that I’ve seen on the faces of some of the older girls here before it even reaches her. Through God’s grace Jocelyn has a chance to truly be a kid here at Casa Havilah and be raised with joy, comfort and most of all love. Please play for Jocelyn…and Jocelyn’s mom too.

P.S. We have internet now!! More regular updates are on the way!

No More Mooching

I’m skipping the kid intro this week just to give some updates. Two weeks ago we had the scariest thunderstorm I think I’ve ever heard in my life and as a result we’ve lost our mooched internet. So updating this thing won’t be quite as regular, but I will try and keep up as much as possible.

So the same night as the crazy thunderstorm there was a tragedy here in Managua in which three boys who live in La Chureca, the dump, drowned in the nearby swimming hole. It’s been really interesting observing how totally different this culture, and I’m sure every culture, deals with death. These boys were closely connected to Casa Havilah because their families live in the same community so I was able to see first hand how the deaths were dealt with. Because the boys’ families live in small houses they needed to put their bodies in a bigger home, which happened to be the home of Daniela, one of the older girls here at Casa Havilah. They kept the boys lying on white plastic chairs for a couple of days while they did… well, I’m not sure why they were there for so long. We were able to turn on the news at the house and it was incredible to see the things they show on local television . They show everything. They showed the boys’ bodies lying on the chairs along with some other pretty morbid news stories. It was truly a devastating time for the families and the La Chureca community, but I couldn’t get over the fact that the people here seemed so comfortable around death. In the US, no one sees the body until it has been all fixed up, if at all. Here, everyone could see the boys and we got a full detailed description of their condition from Daniela when she returned.

Sorry for the somewhat morbid post, it was just one of the most culturally striking things that has happened so far. Other than that, my time here is finally starting to get easier. I no longer get evil glares (well, except from Andrea and her partner in crime, Maykeling, on a bad day) and I’m usually greeted with smiles and hugs. There are still a lot of differences to get used to, but with time I believe things will naturally start to fall into place. Oh, and I have officially been immersed into the girls’ home experience and have been welcomed with open arms and little fingers into the head-lice community. That’s been a lovely experience. Thank goodness for little girls with good eyes and little monkey fingers. I’m hoping that today, I have officially rid my head of them, but it feels like a never-ending, impossible task.

Anyway, thanks for reading and bear with me on my now internet-less journey at Casa Havilah!

Andrea

She is loud and defiant, her feet never stay at home ::. Proverbs 7:11

Andrea has looks that could kill. Not only is she beautiful, but really, sometimes when she’s pissed off she gives a look that makes me fear for my life. It’s amazing how the expression on her face can go from sweet and innocent in one instant to a raging bull the next; steam coming out of the ears and everything. When I looked up Andrea’s name I found that it means “brave.” At first I wasn’t sure that brave was especially fitting for a child who (fake) sobs uncontrollably when facing consequences of her naughty actions, but after thinking about it and looking at some definitions, Andrea is brave, or at least has the qualities of a courageous warrior. When I think of the word brave, I think of people who are unafraid to take risks, people who challenge authority (whether for constructive or destructive reasons) and I think of leaders. Right now, Andrea’s behaviors can be described more as defiant rather than brave. She is the rebel leader of the group, planning and executing midnight runaways, refusing to do her school work and formulating crafty lies because, well…she does what she wants.

But under this thick skinned toughy is a sweet little girl. One who loves to get dolled up in pretty dresses, fit the dogs with doll clothes and straighten Barbie’s {plastic} hair with an iron (that didn’t turn out so well). She’s desperate for attention, and for reasons we have yet to figure out she seems to beg more for negative attention and has no sense of conviction for her bad behavior. But in the words of wise Peter Willard “bad kids make the best Christians.” Andrea has the potential to make the most progress here at Casa Havilah and with her qualities of  bravery and courage she could turn her life into something amazing. But it has to start with faith in God who can see her through these difficult times in her life and faith in herself as well.  I hope that by living with Andrea I can be a part of her growing process and maybe even someday see the storm inside of her come to rest and blossom into the courageous young woman that I believe God intended her to be.

****************************************************************

He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed. ::. Pslams 107: 28-30

If God can calm the craziest storms of the sea, He can calm Andrea’s heart. …Maybe that was a little cheesy, but I believe it!! Please pray for Andrea…

Sofia

I, wisdom, dwell together with prudence; I possess knowledge and discretion. ::. Proverbs 8:12

I can’t say that I would normally describe any child as “wise” because the word seems more fitting for a person who’s had many years of life experience. When I found the meaning of Sofia’s name to be “wisdom” I couldn’t help but laugh because here at Casa Havilah, she truly is the definition of wisdom in comparison with the other girls. Sofia is six years old (seven in October) and she loves to learn. While the other girls are running rampantly throughout the house, you can usually find Sofia sitting alone reading a book. At age six, Sofia can read (she can even read some English!), write, do her times tables, addition and subtraction. Sofia is not the definition of wisdom because she likes to learn, but because she uses an incredible amount of discretion for a girl as young as she is. She understands, unlike most of the others, that if she has a bad attitude she will not be rewarded at the end of the week. She understands that education is important and works extremely hard in school to do well. This may not seem that profound if she were a kid in the US, but here in Nicaragua where laziness is the norm, Sofia shines.

I happen to know a little more about Sofia than the other girls and if I could only understand and speak Spanish better, I would know more. Last night she took my hand and brought me over to the couch where she proceeded to engage in what felt like a typical adult conversation. She was telling me all about her family and from what I could understand her house is very small, there is a lot of bad language and one time her grandmother threw a hot frying pan full of rice and beans at her mom. Her mom, I also know, is a prostitute.

Sofia is truly incredible. Every day she makes sure to give me the BIGGEST, LONGEST (I swear sometimes it lasts a full minute) kiss on my cheek. Her ability to love, learn, discern and laugh is almost heartbreaking here where opportunities are tough. I pray that through Casa Havilah and her surprisingly attuned thirst for knowledge Sofia will continue to shine and make her way out of the poverty and oppression that often hold people back here in Nicaragua.  Please pray for Sofia.

Casa Havilah

A river watering the garden flowed from Eden; from there it was separated into four headwaters. The name of the first is the Pishon; it winds through the entire land of Havilah, where there is gold. ::. Genesis 2:10-12.

When I first heard about Casa Havilah I assumed Havilah was a Spanish word for something. But when I asked Mr. Buzbee (the mastermind behind this mission) he told me that Havilah was a section of land in the Garden of Eden. For those of you who bought, or just got a glimpse of the photo book I created to raise money to live here, I based my title on Ecclesiates 3, “There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the sun…A time to plant and a time to uproot.” Now is my time to plant and what better place to plant than in the land of Havilah, where there is gold.

I have almost made my first week here at Casa Havilah and I have to admit, it’s been tougher than I expected. It’s not the bucket showers or the constant accumulation of dirt that mysteriously keeps developing under my finger nails…or even the mosquitos that, thanks to my mom, absolutely love my blood. What’s tough is planting myself in someone else’s home, a home that happens to belong to 13 “hard knock” girls. The girls here range from age 5-17 and they have one (very brave) house mom, who’s actually one year younger than I am. Most of them have experienced or have been at risk of experiencing some form of sexual abuse and therefor leaves them guarded and untrusting. I don’t yet know the psychology behind such traumas but I hope that as I do learn I will also begin to connect with each girl and eventually gain her trust. It’s actually the older girls who don’t trust. It’s taken the five days that I’ve been here to finally not feel the glare of evil eyes every time I walk into a room.

I can’t quite say that I love it here yet. But I think thats ok. There’s a lot of unstructured time here that I hope to start building, and when I’m joined by another American girl in a few days hopefully that construction of time will grow stronger and faster. I can say that my heart is melting more and more each and every day for these girls. They so desperately need love and attention and I so desperately want to give it all to them. But only one step at a time.

The next few posts I will be talking about each girl individually. Today I was at my computer with two girls and they were asking me to look up the meanings of each girls name in the house and it was really cool to see how the meanings really matched up with these girls’ personalities. So I’ll be including that too. My posts won’t be this long every time, don’t worry. There’s a lot of ground to cover with a first-ever blog post. I hope you’ll keep following, it’s going to be quite the adventure!